On behalf of Grahame and Kate (Tom’s parents):

It is an overwhelming turn-out today. Thank you. Tom, of course, would be wondering what all the fuss is about. But you only had to have known Tom, as we all did, to know exactly what all the fuss is about.
When trying to write this tribute, we tried to distil those things that were most important to Tom in his life – football, family and friends.
If ever there was a child born with a football at his feet, it was Tom. Footballs became part of the furniture inside our house. Tom would have them around his bedroom, a couple in the hallway, a few that we had to manoeuvre around in the kitchen and a ready supply under the desk in the lounge. We quickly learnt never to question the arrival of another one!
Tom was physically never the tallest or the broadest or the most skilful with the ball at his feet – but he seemed to evolve as a natural leader and his determination and competitiveness actually seemed to make him stronger and faster and more dominant than most of his opponents. He became Captain at Spartak Blackmore, playing loyally for his local village team for 9 years and winning the Chelmsford League Cup along the way – always one of his proudest moments. And he was Captain of the Anglo European team for five years. When Spartak finished, he moved to East Thurrock United in the Alliance League and was appointed vice-captain at the start of his first season and voted managers’ player of the year by the end of it. Tom also spent some time with Southend United and he represented the Brentwood and Mid-Essex district team that won the Essex County Cup in 2013.
Tom never missed a game and Sundays became the day when we would follow him around Essex, supporting from the sidelines. Tom was always happiest and most relaxed with a football at his feet. One rainy Spanish hotel holiday was greatly improved after a day or so of long faces, when a football was purchased from the hotel shop by Tom and a posse of like-minded boys, of all ages and nationalities, were signed up for Tom’s La Liga team!
And even after months of chemotherapy and 3 operations, Tom managed a footballing comeback in the spring of 2015. He received a standing ovation from both teams when he came on in the last game of the season for East Thurrock, and then for local team Stones Athletic, he incredibly managed to play the full 90 minutes and even scored the winning goal in a 4-3 thriller – his trade mark bullet header from a corner. As the cliché goes, ‘the crowd went wild!’ It was also additionally poignant as it was the last ever game for that Stones side before they disbanded and he played alongside his brother Matt, who also scored a goal on that day.
Tom just loved football. It was his passion. He loved playing it, talking about it, watching it and arguing about it. And like the Smith family of many generations, he adored his beloved Chelsea and liked nothing more than matchdays at Stamford Bridge with family and friends – and of course the endless good natured ‘banter’ with mates who supported other, albeit lesser, teams! And Tom seemed to bring The Blues luck during his lifetime, something older members of the family never could. In fact, it is wonderful that in his short life, he saw them win everything: the Champions’ League, the Europa League, 4 premiership titles, 5 FA Cups and 3 League Cups. He always used to yawn and tell his dad not to ‘bang on about ’ how lucky he was and about the old days when Chelsea spent most of the time being useless and losing!
And yes, football is only a game; but Tom loved it with a passion and it gave him and us some of our happiest and most exciting memories. And yes, football is only a game; but without doubt, football and the adults and young people he met through it, taught him much in his life, and certainly got Tom through some impossibly difficult times during those 20 months. He was his dad’s footballing wingman and it was a shared obsession - and it gave a special bond, with endless football gossip being texted to each other on a daily basis, when in fact both should have been working!
So where football was his first love, a relationship that meant even more to him was the unique one that he shared with Emma and Matthew. As his twin, Tom’s bond with Matt started before any of us knew and continued to grow throughout his life.
Tom would have people believe that he was the leader, the boss, and he would frequently be exasperated by Matt’s different ways of doing things. However, we can recall a number of times when Tom would not go to new places or try new things without Matt by his side. As Tom became ill, Matt brought him medicine, cans of Red Bull and sweets from the shop, was an arm around Tom’s shoulder, helping Tom upstairs when he found the climb difficult. They gained strength and confidence from each other, leaning on one another both literally and symbolically. Tom and Matt were best friends and Tom was protective of Matt right to the end. They were meant to experience life together, in a way that only twins can, and this new reality is very hard to bear.
The only person who meant as much to Tom as Matt did, was Emma. As big sister, she was always the real boss and was there for him before and throughout his illness. She supported him through times spent in hospital recovering from operations, accompanied him as he went under sedations, was there for him through long, dull hours of chemotherapy, acted as a taxi service when he was feeling good and was someone he could not do without. In fact, it was as Tom slipped under sedation prior to a procedure that the drugs influenced him to confess to her, ‘I had a tattoo done in Zante. Don’t tell mum and dad’. The bit we have missed out due to being in church is the expletive he added about how much it hurt! Towards the end, Emma got up in the night for him, got him to eat when everybody else had trouble, supported him in his decision-making and their love for each other was always unfailing, unquestioning, unconditional.
As Tom grew desperately ill, his final concerns were always for Matt and Emma – if they were out, wanting to know where they were, whether they were ok and when they were coming back. Typically as siblings they drove each other mad at times, but when the chips were down, they knew they could count one hundred percent on one another. This makes us very proud.
As Tom’s parents, we have spent more time with him in the last two years than any parent has the right to do with their 17 year old. Early on, we took the view that Tom would never have to go through any aspect of his illness alone. We would be there for him – sometimes whether he liked it of not! We never missed a scan or an appointment with him or a single day in hospital. He even put up with us stalking him to far parts of the country, booking hotels so we could be around if he got ill and following him to foreign countries. His worst nightmare would have been bumping into us on the Strip in Zante! His mum recalls many nights spent in hospital just watching him sleep. On the whole, he bore all this close supervision with good grace, although there were a number of times when he would attempt to shake us off and it became a standing joke that as we neared the Macmillan Centre at Euston Square he would try to lose us as we got to the lifts, so that he could arrive by himself! One night, at home during the last few weeks and after a particularly difficult couple of hours for Tom, his mum remembers lying next to him in bed, keeping watch, checking his breathing. Tom opened his eyes and she thought he was going to say something loving and profound; instead he said very matter of factly, ‘Mum, you can go back to your own bed now, you are freaking me out’!
We would not wish to paint Tom as a saint – nobody is. He wasn’t always an angel, as one or two of his teachers and football referees across Essex will testify. But he was honest and he was himself. Tom did not want to be seen as a victim despite the devastating effect his illness had on his body and his life. He refused to be defined by it and anyone who knew him witnessed the courageous way in which he lived his life. As his illness progressed we began to hear the words, ’remarkable, delightful, polite, charming.’ He made his recovery team in Critical Care at The Royal Marsden laugh during the very tense moment when he came round from a life-saving operation and urgently wanted to tell us something. A white board and pen were quickly supplied for him. The first thing that he managed to ask us was for the recent Chelsea score and then as nurses and doctors swarmed round him, administering to him, he managed to spell out ‘Great Bants’. He wasn’t their typical Critical Care Unit patient!
Tom never felt sorry for himself; never wanted others to feel sorry for him; he never once asked ‘why me?’ or complained that it was all ‘unfair’. He knew from the beginning that his prognosis was poor and he lived with that – never burdening others with worry. And when we discovered that his time was nearing an end, he was (as he was all the way through his illness) the strongest of all of us. Tom did all he could to make it easy for us – quite remarkable in one so young. He told us he was fine and that he was ‘ready’, and that he did not want to extend our pain any longer. In his last few weeks he could no longer get out of bed. Even then, he secretly arranged and orchestrated via the internet and some willing friends, for personal presents for each member of the family – jewellery engraved with loving and poignant messages, and 4 different framed pictures depicting a special moment with each of us with him. These will always be the most treasured of gifts.
Tom was not afraid to die. In fact, he even managed an ironic joke when his dad said he was sorry that he could not swap places with him, that he wouldn’t want that as if they swapped, Tom would have to wear all his dad’s awful clothes and that would be even more grim!
Tom was always keen to remain as independent as possible and he knew his own mind. He led conversations with his consultant about his treatment and care and would weigh everything up before making mature, incredibly difficult and brave decisions. Even recently, it was Tom’s own request for a church service in Blackmore and to be buried at Blackmore Church. He was a Blackmore boy born and bred – and that is where he wanted to rest.
There are so many people for us to thank. We have been completely overwhelmed and staggered by the outpouring of love for Tom on social media and through his memorial website. The messages and tributes have been incredible, sincere, generous and moving, and have been a great source of comfort and pride to the whole family.
And the support we have received has taken so many forms over the last 20 months – prayers, visits, calls, texts, emails, cards, pictures, hampers, liquid refreshments, charity runs for Team Tom, marathon running and walking in 2016, collections and donations – and of course, special events and visits for Tom and a house full of amazing Chelsea memorabilia. So thank you.
To our work friends and colleagues in Havering and CSS South, who have been so patient, supportive and generous; we truly could not have asked for more.
To our friends, family and neighbours who have been with us throughout and have never faltered in providing practical and emotional support.
To the incredible expert medical teams who have cared for Tom so tirelessly – his consultant Dr Sandra Strauss and her team at UCLH; Mr Dirk Strauss, Tom’s surgeon, and his team at the Royal Marsden; the doctors and nurses at Broomfield Hospital; Dr Butler and the staff at Deal Tree Health Centre, and the superb children’s community team, who cared for Tom so well right from the start – with particular thanks to Heidi.
And a sincere thank you to Mr Barrs and his staff at the Anglo European School. They provided Tom with a safe place to be and the possibility of a future. Tom was a young man who quickly decided who he could make a connection with and if you were one of those lucky people, you would have Tom’s unswerving loyalty, respect and affection.
Finally, however, we want to say a particularly heartfelt thank you to Tom’s remarkable, magnificent friends. Your support has been amazing and unswerving. You have been there for him always. Always. Right from the beginning you kept him involved and included and made him feel like he could lead as close as possible a normal teenage life. With you, he could be himself. And in return he was always fiercely loyal to you all. The morning that Tom’s condition was announced in school led to an unprecedented dip in Anglo’s attendance figures that afternoon, as large numbers of you felt that your priorities lay by his bedside at UCLH!
We will never forget the love and support you gave to Tom, the difficult visits to hospitals and in his last few weeks, at home. You managed many conversations and visits with him that adults would have struggled with, and your bravery is astounding. Tom loved you dearly. You were there for him through happy times and very dark times. So our message to you is one that we know Tom would support. ‘Thank you. Go forward with your lives; be bold, and be happy and continue to be magnificent. And as you do so, hold a place in your hearts for your brother and friend, and remember him always.’
So, now the unthinkable has arrived and we have to say goodbye to our brown eyed boy. We are bereft. He was our lovely boy – handsome, funny, sporty, loyal, kind, resilient and courageous. He may not have quite made adulthood in the eyes of the law, but make no mistake, here was a Man. And anyone who knew him over the last two years knows that when we describe him as ‘courageous’, it is no lazy cliché; we know from what people have said, that for many, he was the bravest person they had ever met. He was an ordinary teenager who became extraordinary as he faced his desperate challenges; and the way he met those challenges, made him exceptional. For even though Tom was far, far more than his illness, it did bring out in him the most incredible qualities that we know have been an inspiration to so many.
Tommy, we are so happy to have been your parents; proud and privileged to have shared your precious but all too short life. See you on the other side, darling. We will love you always.